Yoga for me

today as i sat down to meditate, i found so many barriers and difficulties arising that were preventing me from dropping in. most of them were the usual:

• my cats are running around and need attention
• coffee (!) is waiting for me on the counter
• someone may have sent me an email--better check
• do i have any new facebook friends?
• it's raining out, so i better watch the rain (ok, that's not a usual barrier)
• i have too much to do to prepare for the day

but today i became aware another barrier, which writing this blog alerted me to:

i have a tendency to THINK about my practice, be it meditation or asana or pranayama. i can't just BE in my practice, because as a teacher, i need to remember how things feel. i need to be able to put my practice, my sensations, my awarenesses into words.

i spent the first 10 minutes of my meditation thinking about how to communicate the experience on this blog.

in other words: it's easier for me to practice yoga if i know i am sharing the magic with others. if i'm just practicing for MYSELF it doesn't seem as worthwhile to me.

wow. that is something i ought to look into.

do i teach because i was born to teach? do i do healing work because i was born to heal? or have part of my decisions in life been guided by finding a way to love others more than myself?

i am curious if other teachers or healing workers notice a similar energy--is your practice primarily guided by what YOU need or by what you want to share with others? are they one and the same?